Snowball decided to take over the blog that day since Teddy was holed up in one of the many secret, or not so secret anymore, offices. He was working furiously at the computer on some sort of project which he would not reveal to anyone. Well, he would not reveal it to Snowball at any rate. And Snowball regarded himself as the whole of civilization, so he might as well have been "anyone", for he was "everyone".
But Snowball could not think of what he wanted to do with the blog. He spent all morning thinking about this. He thought about this in particular while brushing his teeth. When he had finished brushing his shiny white teeth, he looked at the clock and found that a whole 38 minutes of his life had vanished inexplicably. He blamed it, not on his absentminded contemplation, but on the brushing of his teeth. He immediately went and called the Royal Sneech Press. RSP must have been bored or something, because they decided to publish his story. The following day, Yvonne, sitting in a cave in a mountain somewhere, received a copy of this story. RSP hired, without paying them, messengers to bring newspapers to everyone in the empire no matter where they were. And since this rabbit people was magical, that was not impossible. Of course, they could have simply used the internet and introduced digitized versions of these newspapers, but that solution would have been too simple. Besides, Yvonne enjoyed flipping through the paper pages of the newspaper.
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Many miles away from the cottage which Teddy had taken over from Snowball who had taken it over from a certain rabbit who was now trekking up a huge snowy mounain. Ice clung to her whiskers and the wind howled around her. There was no sign of anything except for fields of white. So much white. So much snow. So much freezing. So much desolation.
An annoying little Angelica came hopping up the slope behind her, whining. "Why are we up here? What are we doing? I want to go home!" "I have to go to the bathroom!" said Savio. "I want a snack," put in Spike. I have a whole list of things I want right now... thought Jacob, who was pulling, up the mountain, the cart which Spike was sitting on. "Whoever doesn't want to stick with me to the end of this journey can leave now!" exclaimed Yvonne. She paused dramatically. Everyone sat there, staring at her. She continued back up into the mountain until she had come to a cave. "At last," she mumbled to herself. "The Cavern of Kumputarz!" She hopped down a passageway and came into a well lit and well heated office room, lined with computers. She sat down at one of this. "What are you doing?" whined Angelica. "Hacking into the blog!" replied Yvonne. "I shall have power over my blog once again!" Spike fainted at the use of the word "blog". Jacob, who was standing in the doorway with the cart still attached to him, did not say anything. But he was wondering why Yvonne had to hack into the blog when she was already apparently in the blog, and how does all this even work? He could have asked these things, but he thought it would have been rude. Angelica didn't care about being rude. She said, with an extremely ugly look on her face, "What? Why do you have to do that since you're obviously using the blog right now?" Spike fainted more. Yvonne did not move and did not speak for a while. In her head she was wresting with the question of one of her greatest weaknesses: that of dumbly going through a lot of effort to do something which either didn't have to be done or which could have been done simply. She came to the conclusion that, rather than trying to fix this problem of hers at the moment, she would just take out her irritation by picking Angelica up and flinging her off the mountain. Angelica screamed for a long time. But she lived. No one ever dies in these sorts of blogs. Spike fainted. "Gotta admit, I am pretty lousy at runnin' dis business," Snowball said glumly as he aimlessly hopped around the house which he had taken over weeks ago. He pored over the contents of the refrigerator, most of which were old and should have been thrown out. But Snowball had never been neat or organized, and anyway, bad food hardly affected him. If it did kill him, he'd just come back, after all.
"Dat's a depressing thought," said Snowball, rubbing his chin contemplatively. "If I die, I come back. Then I die again. Then I live again. An endless cycle... around and around and around. And for what? What is da point of my annoying respawning power? Is it for da same reason dat you respawn in video games? Yeah, so dat you can try again! But what is da point of trying at all? What am I trying? What am I doing in life!?" His soliloquy was interrupted by the sound of a door creaking. Now what could have caused that? He was the only living creature in the house (don't ask if there may have been other sorts of creatures). He crept around the corner of the kitchen, and there, upon the sofa, TV remote in... hand... sat a brown, furry figure... The figure of a teddy bear. |
HEY! this is yvonneYour narrator... sort of. Archives
March 2021
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