THIRTY-EIGHT MINUTES

Snowball decided to take over the blog that day since Teddy was holed up in one of the many secret, or not so secret anymore, offices. He was working furiously at the computer on some sort of project which he would not reveal to anyone. Well, he would not reveal it to Snowball at any rate. And Snowball regarded himself as the whole of civilization, so he might as well have been "anyone", for he was "everyone". 

But Snowball could not think of what he wanted to do with the blog. He spent all morning thinking about this. He thought about this in particular while brushing his teeth. When he had finished brushing his shiny white teeth, he looked at the clock and found that a whole 38 minutes of his life had vanished inexplicably. He blamed it, not on his absentminded contemplation, but on the brushing of his teeth. He immediately went and called the Royal Sneech Press. RSP must have been bored or something, because they decided to publish his story.

The following day, Yvonne, sitting in a cave in a mountain somewhere, received a copy of this story. RSP hired, without paying them, messengers to bring newspapers to everyone in the empire no matter where they were. And since this rabbit people was magical, that was not impossible. Of course, they could have simply used the internet and introduced digitized versions of these newspapers, but that solution would have been too simple. Besides, Yvonne enjoyed flipping through the paper pages of the newspaper.

"Today, Mr. Snowball Ball claims that he has missed a whole thirty-eight minutes of his life due to having brushed his teeth. Because of this experience, he is warning everybunny against brushing their teeth. He says that he had never before brushed his teeth, but on that he, for reasons he cannot understand, felt drawn towards the idea of brushing his teeth for once.

'Da one time I did it, it cost me thirty-eight minutes of my life!' Snowball told RSP journalist Sir Harvey Bunningham. 'And dentists, dey a bad sort of bunny! Dey tell everyone to brush their teeth, just 'cuz they want everyone to lose time! It's all a great big plot, don't ya see? I've been enlightened! I'm onto dem and their scheme! Dey won't trick me twice!' 

Jeremiah Bunstache, who is a renowned dentist and the Ball family's personal dentist, was asked what he thought of his former client's opinion. He answered scoffing, 'Client? He was never my client. His parents brought him screaming to my office and let me tell you, that kid had some bad teeth!' 

'But, then, how do you account for that winning smile of his that everyone is so familiar with?' Bunningham asked the esteemed dentist.

'I don't know, to be honest,' Bunstache replied. 'I have to admit though, he somehow or other ended up with really good lookin' teeth! Not at all how they were when he was just a kit.' 

Snowball later sent in a reply to RSP solving this mystery. 'I used to eat green paint, ya see? But den I got older, and I decided white paint was da way to go, and now I got da best teeth in all da land!' 

After having heard this reply, Dr. Bunstache has expressed concern that this remark may lead to a rise in rabbits eating white paint.

​As soon as Agent Rabbit Mulder of the IBBI heard about the story, he interviewed Snowball. By the end of the interview, Rabbit Mulder had been convinced that Snowball had been abducted by aliens. 

'Inexplicable time loss is absolutely the sign of alien abduction!' Mulder told Bunningham. 'Every abductee will tell you about losing nine minutes of time before an encounter with the aliens!' 

Bunningham was confused by this and pointed two things out: one, that Snowball had not mentioned any events that could even have been twisted into being an alien encounter, and Snowball had lost thirty-eight minutes, not nine. Mulder replied that Bunningham thought this way because he had been abducted by aliens. 

Whatever the case, Bunningham reported, Snowball does have some amazingly white and shiny teeth."