Snowball decided to take over the blog that day since Teddy was holed up in one of the many secret, or not so secret anymore, offices. He was working furiously at the computer on some sort of project which he would not reveal to anyone. Well, he would not reveal it to Snowball at any rate. And Snowball regarded himself as the whole of civilization, so he might as well have been "anyone", for he was "everyone".
But Snowball could not think of what he wanted to do with the blog. He spent all morning thinking about this. He thought about this in particular while brushing his teeth. When he had finished brushing his shiny white teeth, he looked at the clock and found that a whole 38 minutes of his life had vanished inexplicably. He blamed it, not on his absentminded contemplation, but on the brushing of his teeth. He immediately went and called the Royal Sneech Press. RSP must have been bored or something, because they decided to publish his story.
The following day, Yvonne, sitting in a cave in a mountain somewhere, received a copy of this story. RSP hired, without paying them, messengers to bring newspapers to everyone in the empire no matter where they were. And since this rabbit people was magical, that was not impossible. Of course, they could have simply used the internet and introduced digitized versions of these newspapers, but that solution would have been too simple. Besides, Yvonne enjoyed flipping through the paper pages of the newspaper.
Many miles away from the cottage which Teddy had taken over from Snowball who had taken it over from a certain rabbit who was now trekking up a huge snowy mounain. Ice clung to her whiskers and the wind howled around her. There was no sign of anything except for fields of white. So much white. So much snow. So much freezing. So much desolation.
An annoying little Angelica came hopping up the slope behind her, whining. "Why are we up here? What are we doing? I want to go home!"
"I have to go to the bathroom!" said Savio.
"I want a snack," put in Spike.
I have a whole list of things I want right now... thought Jacob, who was pulling, up the mountain, the cart which Spike was sitting on.
"Whoever doesn't want to stick with me to the end of this journey can leave now!" exclaimed Yvonne. She paused dramatically.
Everyone sat there, staring at her.
She continued back up into the mountain until she had come to a cave. "At last," she mumbled to herself. "The Cavern of Kumputarz!"
She hopped down a passageway and came into a well lit and well heated office room, lined with computers. She sat down at one of this.
"What are you doing?" whined Angelica.
"Hacking into the blog!" replied Yvonne. "I shall have power over my blog once again!"
Spike fainted at the use of the word "blog".
Jacob, who was standing in the doorway with the cart still attached to him, did not say anything. But he was wondering why Yvonne had to hack into the blog when she was already apparently in the blog, and how does all this even work? He could have asked these things, but he thought it would have been rude.
Angelica didn't care about being rude. She said, with an extremely ugly look on her face, "What? Why do you have to do that since you're obviously using the blog right now?"
Spike fainted more.
Yvonne did not move and did not speak for a while. In her head she was wresting with the question of one of her greatest weaknesses: that of dumbly going through a lot of effort to do something which either didn't have to be done or which could have been done simply. She came to the conclusion that, rather than trying to fix this problem of hers at the moment, she would just take out her irritation by picking Angelica up and flinging her off the mountain.
Angelica screamed for a long time. But she lived. No one ever dies in these sorts of blogs.
"Gotta admit, I am pretty lousy at runnin' dis business," Snowball said glumly as he aimlessly hopped around the house which he had taken over weeks ago. He pored over the contents of the refrigerator, most of which were old and should have been thrown out. But Snowball had never been neat or organized, and anyway, bad food hardly affected him. If it did kill him, he'd just come back, after all.
"Dat's a depressing thought," said Snowball, rubbing his chin contemplatively. "If I die, I come back. Then I die again. Then I live again. An endless cycle... around and around and around. And for what? What is da point of my annoying respawning power? Is it for da same reason dat you respawn in video games? Yeah, so dat you can try again! But what is da point of trying at all? What am I trying? What am I doing in life!?"
His soliloquy was interrupted by the sound of a door creaking. Now what could have caused that? He was the only living creature in the house (don't ask if there may have been other sorts of creatures). He crept around the corner of the kitchen, and there, upon the sofa, TV remote in... hand... sat a brown, furry figure...
The figure of a teddy bear.
"Snowball, you're pretty lousy at running this business," said Yvonne.
At first Snowball did not reply. He was busy focusing intensely on his miniature macaroni palace. He delicated placed another piece of macaroni on top of it.
He was still too lost in his project to hear.
Yvonne's horse, Jacob, walked into the house. He was small enough to fit. He ate Snowball's macaroni palace.
"Seriously, man, you got some nerve!" exclaimed Snowball.
Jacob snorted macaroni all over Snowball.
"SNOWBALL!" screamed Yvonne. Snowball jumped up and hit the ceiling.
"What? Who's that? Who's dere?" asked Snowball.
"The rabbit who owns this house," answered Yvonne. "Anyway, you are not running this business properly..."
"No, you don't do that no more, dat ownin' this house thing," said Snowball. "All mine now, and I run dis business just like I like to."
"Then I quit!" exclaimed Yvonne.
Snowball gasped. "You can't do dat!"
"I just did!"
"Well, you really can't, because I fire you!"
Yvonne walked out the door. Jacob followed her, still munching on macaroni. She hooked him up to a cart. "We're going on an adventure, Jacob!" she said.
Angelica came out of the house, where she had been rather poorly pretending to be working at her school. Savio followed her, still munching on her homework. Yvonne grabbed them both and dropped them in the cart.
"What are you doing to me?" whined Angelica. Savio whined, too, though he didn't know why.
"Instead of me just telling you stories all the time, we're going to live stories! We're gonna see them ourselves! Experience them!" said Yvonne.
"You're a nut!" screamed Angelica.
"Maybe, but you're dramatic," said Yvonne. "You're also not leaving, because I just strapped you to your seat."
Spike hopped out of the house, still munching on a banana. "Snowball's brooding in there, and lamenting about how he's been betrayed or something. What did you do? What are you doing?"
"We're going places!" said Yvonne, and with that, she swept him up onto the cart next to her.
"Why can't I drive?" asked Spike.
"Because you're eating a banana," replied Yvonne, as if that made perfect sense.
Jacob, who could talk, though he preferred not to, snorted and thought, Great, now I've gotta work. Just a couple minutes ago I was living a life of luxury, eating macaroni palaces and all...
Yvonne walked, or rather tried to sneak, in through the back door (which Angelica did not until now know existed) at the same moment that Snowball flung the front door open and hopped on in. He flung the door open so hard that it flew off the hinges and hit Savio in the face. Savio then proceeded to chew on the door.
"Don't worry 'bout that. I'll pay for it since it's mine now anyway," said Snowball.
"What!?" exclaimed Yvonne.
Spike hopped out of the kitchen, munching on a banana. "Is this what I think it is?"
"Very rude, you mean?" asked Angelica with a contemptuous snort.
"No, a takeover! A coup d'etat!" mumbled Spike.
"Yeah, sure, call it what you like," said Snowball. "But I got imperial approval, ya know? Real legal-like and all. Pretty unusual for me, but I thought dis was a special matter callin' for special preparations."
"Imperial approval? Prove it," Yvonne said boldly.
Snowball produced a document with the imperial signature on it.
"Not a fake," remarked Spike. Bits of banana splattered all over the legal document.
"Yeah, so I own y'all now," said Snowball. "Or at least your blog!"
Spike and Yvonne gasped. "You can't say that word!"
"What word?" asked Snowball.
"The 'B' word..." explained Spike.
"Whatever. Y'all gonna concede? If ya do, I'll buy you a new door. I'll buy you a new office, too!" said Snowball.
"Trying to bribe me, are you?" said Yvonne. "Well, it won't work..."
"I'll also buy you a horse," said Snowball.
"Okay! Deal!" Yvonne replied instantly.
"Ugh! I live here, too, you know," grumbled Angelica.
"Well, you?" said Snowball. "You get da rest of da month off. Vacation!"
"VACATION?" exclaimed Angelica. She hopped around in joyful ecstasy, which was very uncharacteristic of her.
Thus Snowball was able to take control of the blog.
"Dis is gonna be fun!" said Snowball.
"We, His Most Illustrious Long-eared Majesty Bunzees, Emperor of All Bunnies, Lord of Coneys, Master of Adorable Little Snuffing Noses, doth declare upon this day that, having heard the cause of the rabbit who is calledeth by the name of Snowball, we do hereby granteth his request, ere his incessant ramblings and demands, pressing upon our sane mind, causeth it to go, as his hath heretofore, nuts.
For our infamous, and famous, subject Snowball is not so well knowneth for naught. Upon this glorious planet of bunny civilization there is none who can, as he doth, so constantly and, yea, endlessly quoth on all manner of things, the like of which we, the Imperial Majesty, wisheth not to hear, for, as ye, the good people of this good empire knoweth, His Majesty is most busyeth with most important matters, for His Majesty doth loveth most royally all his subjects and careth (as ceaselessly as the chatter of Snowball) for them all.
Thus, so that we, the Emperor, may returneth to such matters as calleth our most nearly indomitable attention, we hereby granteth that which Snowball hath requested of us. And that which Snowball hath requestedeth of us is this: that this blog, which thou, weary traveller, doth now in thy idleness and by Fate drift upon most languidly, yet most fortuitously, this selfsame blog we, in our most Imperious Long-eared Power, do take into our own paws, that we may, in keeping with our resolve, granteth it unto the paws of the aforementioned Snowball.
With all the solemnity of Our Royal Whiskers, we do giveth this blog unto the possession of Snowball in perpetuity.
His Most Illustrious Long-eared Majesty Bunzees, Emperor of All Bunnies, Lord of Coneys, Master of Adorable Little Snuffing Noses, Lover of Those Nice Orange Vegetables, Glorious Muncher of Grass, Wielder of the Cutest Face Ever, He Who in His Spare Time Doth Be a Ninja Warrior, He Who Hath Mastery Over a Planet, He Who Doth Adore Scratches Between the Ears Most Imperiously, etc."
The cake-eating invaders had finally passed on to some other place, all except for one rabbit: a rabbit wearing a blue hoodie and a name tag which said "Spike". He was still wandering the house as if it were his own.
"Who are you anyway?" asked Angelica.
"And did you capture Yvonne and send her away like a big meanie?" asked Savio. It was an impressive feat that after two or so weeks of Yvonne's absence, Savio still remembered that she existed at all.
"No, no," said Spike. "It's much more complicated than that." He produced a banana out of nowhere and munched on it. He continued speaking with a mouthful of banana. "I'm Yvonne's cousin. Well, not really. Actually... I'm her imaginary friend but real. You get it?"
Angelica and Savio looked at him in such a way that suggested that they had never got anything in either of their lives.
"Well, anyway," continued Spike, "I'm a hero/history buff. And... what did you say? Big meanie? That too. I have weird hair. Black spiky hair, hence the name. My parents weren't very creative. Although they did want to call me Zach. And they tried to sometimes. But then Spike just kinda stuck. Ya know? Yes, this is a history lesson."
"Can't you tell us something useful?" Angelica said in her usual rude style.
"History is useful!" exclaimed Spike/Zach. He bounded towards Angelica and, grabbing her, shook her around. "Do you not care about HISTORY? CARE ABOUT HISTORY!"
"Okay!" squeaked Angelica pathetically.
"I once had an enemy called Brain or something," Spike said suddenly, contemplatively. "But," he added, "that's a story for another time. For today, I'll tell you a story, based off of many lessons from the grand old tale of history."
He hoisted Angelica up and threw her down on the cake-stained sofa. Savio stayed where he was, which was only a foot away from Spike, staring at him intently. Blankly. Admiringly.
"Observe!" Spike demanded. "Or listen, I mean..."
There was no sign of Yvonne anywhere. Angelica, with the help of Savio, looked in all twenty-five of Yvonne's secret offices, and even discovered a secret underground tunnel, but Yvonne was not there. They looked under the sofa. Not there. They looked inside the television. Not there. They looked in each and every book in the house. Not in any of them, nor under them, either.
Angelica and Savio had just about given up on their search when a small, fluffy white rabbit hopped into the house as if he owned the place.
"Hi dere! I'm back for a visit!" said Snowball. "Hey, you know, I love what ya done wid da place. Dat dinosaur skeleton out dere is a real nice touch."
"Not you again!" exclaimed Angelica. Savio said nothing. He sat staring and panting, and that said it all.
"What? You got a problem with me? 'Cause I don't got a problem with me," said Snowball. "This Story Tuesday or something? No, gotta think of a better name than that, you know. Anyway, you want a story? You can't have one. 'Cause I don't have one."
"Then at least tell us where Yvonne is," grumbled Angelica.
"Oh yeah? Nah, dat's okay. I'll pass," he said, looking through the refrigerator. Then he suddenly screamed, "Instead I'll tell you a story!" and he threw himself on the sofa so that it slid at least five feet back. Angelica looked perplexed or, perhaps, entirely bewildered. Snowball relished in that sort of look, which he was well acquainted with.
"You! Dog! Fan me!" demanded Snowball. Savio obeyed as best he could, picking up a leaf in his teeth and fanning Snowball with it. The action really did nothing, but Snowball liked to see other creatures adoring him.
"So..." began Snowball...
Savio never really learned, so when Angelica demanded that he tell her where Yvonne was, he immediately told her the location of Yvonne's newest secret office. With extreme gusto Angelica exploded into said secret office. Instead of springing up and yelling at her for being there, Yvonne snored. She was sleeping face down on her desk.
It was a nice desk. But Angelica had very little regard for nice desks.
She produced, almost magically, a foghorn out of nowhere. The sound of it made Yvonne leap up until she almost hit her head on the ceiling (which was nice, like the desk). Once she had recovered and remembered where, and who, she was, that was when she sprang up and yelled at Angelica for being there.
Angelica paid her no heed. All she heard were the ramblings of a nagging old rabbit. "Aren't you going to tell us a story?" asked Angelica accusingly. "Yesterday you told us you were going to tell us a story every Tuesday. Well... where's my story?"
Yvonne could hardly believe her fluffy white bunny ears. Angelica did not let her reply. "I tell you what, you aren't telling me any story today," declared Angelica. "No, I'm gonna tell you a story today!"
Allowing no delays, she jumped right into it.
Yvonne came bursting into the house, flinging open the door so hard that it nearly fell, or rather, flew, off its hinges. A cape swishing behind her and a sword at her side, she marched into the living room and announced her presence in a loud, archaic voice.
Many emotions spread over young Angelica's face: surprise, terror, distaste, etc. Only one was on Savio's face: joy.
When Yvonne first exploded loudly into the house, Angelica had dropped her book on the floor. Now Yvonne picked it up carefully and examined it. "Fie!" she exclaimed in the same booming voice. "Hast thou again passed thine eyes over the multitudinous villainies of this wretched scroll, christened the 'Adventures of Harey Bunther'? For shame!"
All Angelica could do in reply was correct her. "Harey Butter."
With a dramatic flourish Yvonne threw the book over her shoulder. Then all her grandiose acting faded away and she plopped down on the sofa. Her sword pierced right through the sofa and stuck out the other side, but she didn't notice.
"Buckle up, kids!" said Yvonne. "I've been thinking... brooding. So I've got a story for ya!"
"I think you've had too much caffeine," said Angelica, the high and mighty one.