An Archaeological Discovery
Yvonne was reading a newspaper from the Royal Sneech Press (RSP). The article was about imperial archaeologists and the discovery they had just made. The article read something like this:
"Archaeologists from Emperor Bunzees' Imperial Archaeology Institute were investigating the house of the famous rabbit Snowball just last Tuesday. The archaeologists were actually invited by other scientists who were doing studies and searches in Snowball's house, after some claims were made against Snowball that he was attempting to build a giant killer robot. Others claim that Snowball was not making any killer robots, but that he was instead planning to unleash a disease upon the populace; a disease, some say, made from dieffenbachia and carried by crows. The actual science of either of these plans is questionable, but we are talking about Snowball.
The scientists have not yet managed to find any evidence for Snowball building killer robots or creating diseases, but under Snowball's dirty piles of laundry shoved under his bed and behind the door, the scientists discovered what seemed to be ancient documents. After this discovery, they called in the Imperial Archaeologists to investigate the documents. Dr. Bunniana Jones says that the documents were 'covered in such a thick layer of dust that we could not read them. After clearing the dust off, I think several of our archaeologists contracted some ancient diseases from the dust!' No one else seems to believe Dr. Jones, who is a vehement supporter of both the killer robot and dieffenbachia disease conspiracies.
According to Dr. Bruce Hopper, a lead archaeologist, they have so far only managed to clean up one document enough to be able to read it. Continuing, he says that the document seems to be an ancient Snowball comic, written and published by SAB Sx3 (Snowball Action Books) about 400 years ago. This particular document seems to be one of the first Snowball comics ever written. The historian Henri LaConey thinks that the comic may be based on historical facts. LaConey also claims that within the comic are some of Snowball's own many, many last words.
WARNING: Depending on your sensitivities, this comic may contain graphic material; namely, nose warts and the use of the word 'dead', accompanied by X eyes."
Savio Meets a Celebrity
Savio came slinking into the house. He did not like it when Yvonne yelled at him. He came slowly up to her and sat down, but would not look her in the face. Instead he stared at the ground. For a few seconds Yvonne said nothing, and during those few seconds Angelica slipped out of the closet into which she had hidden when Yvonne yelled.
"So, Savio..." said Yvonne in a lilting voice -- the one which Savio did not like much more than the yelling -- "I had this ball the other day. This shiny ball. Someone seems to have misplaced it."
Almost as if in reply, Savio was thrown into a coughing fit. He coughed and coughed until finally he coughed up little shiny blue pieces. Then he sat down, looked up at Yvonne, and wagged his tail.
"Well," said Yvonne, "at least you won't have indigestion now."
"What was so important about that ball, anyway?" asked Angelica.
"It was my oracle," replied Yvonne.
"Your what...?" said Angelica.
"Oh, you ignorant little coney!" exclaimed Yvonne. "I have many skills, including foretelling the future. But I can't do that without my oracle ball."
"So you're a fortune-teller?" asked Angelica.
"I didn't say that," answered Yvonne. Then she turned to Savio. "Now, you've been a very bad puppy" -- at this Savio looked at her with sad eyes -- "so today it's your job to go grocery shopping. And while you're at it, buy me a new oracle."
The Enigma of Snowball
Angelica slumped into a chair and groaned. "I'm bored!" she whined.
"Have you finished your 234 reading assignments for this week?" asked Yvonne, who was currently shining an odd blue ball. Savio was staring intensely at the ball. He had never seen such a beautiful potential dog toy.
"I don't want to read anymore," whined Angelica (Yvonne did not appreciate whining). "I would rather hear a story! You're supposed to tell us stories."
"Oh. I didn't realize that the story thing was obligatory," said Yvonne.
"I like stories," said Savio, drool dripping from his mouth as he continued to gape at the ball.
"You should tell us about the time you survived the zombie apocalypse," said Angelica.
"What? Who told you that?" replied Yvonne as she carefully put the ball into its case. "Anyway, that is actually a boring story. All I did is run around in circles screaming the whole time. But I suppose I could tell you about a rabbit I once knew."
"Will it be boring?" asked Angelica.
"No," answered Yvonne. "It will be worse than that."
HEY! this is yvonne
Your narrator... sort of.