The Enigma of Snowball

Angelica slumped into a chair and groaned. "I'm bored!" she whined.

"Have you finished your 234 reading assignments for this week?" asked Yvonne, who was currently shining an odd blue ball. Savio was staring intensely at the ball. He had never seen such a beautiful potential dog toy. 

"I don't want to read anymore," whined Angelica (Yvonne did not appreciate whining). "I would rather hear a story! You're supposed to tell us stories."

"Oh. I didn't realize that the story thing was obligatory," said Yvonne.

"I like stories," said Savio, drool dripping from his mouth as he continued to gape at the ball. 

"You should tell us about the time you survived the zombie apocalypse," said Angelica.

"What? Who told you that?" replied Yvonne as she carefully put the ball into its case. "Anyway, that is actually a boring story. All I did is run around in circles screaming the whole time. But I suppose I could tell you about a rabbit I once knew."

"Will it be boring?" asked Angelica.

"No," answered Yvonne. "It will be worse than that."

) "There once lived a rabbit -- well, okay, there probably still lives... what I mean to say is there is a very unusual rabbit who, some people say, is immortal. He can 'respawn' just like in a video game. It's like he has an infinite number of hearts, if you know what I mean. Oh, your mom didn't let you play video games? That's just me? Well, that's okay. Savio plays video games all the time. He knows what I'm talking about.

Anyway, this magical rabbit's name was Snowball. He was (we're sticking to the past tense for the sake of the story) an adorable little white bunny with dreamy blue eyes. He himself, however, was a rude, unruly, kind of scary little monster. Before he would die and then respawn, he would usually say something perhaps a bit unsettling or that made no sense. Most of the things he said before dying he remembers and will sometimes repeat. One of his main hobbies includes annoying or horrifying folks. Also, he has no table manners. Don't invite him to dinner.

Snowball has had many adventures: he's fought alongside rebels against an evil galactic empire, attempted to usurp a country, organized his own band and become a rockstar, and travelled to plenty of worlds and dimensions. He survived that zombie apocalypse you mentioned earlier, but that was really cheating, since he can respawn. 

You've probably seen comic books from a company called Snowball Action Books (which is abbreviated as SAB Sx3). Snowball owns that company. Oh, you don't read comic books? Well, neither does Savio. He just eats them."

"So Snowball is... a very successful businessman?" said Angelica. "Or a hero or villain? Or... what? I don't get it."

"Kids these days," said Yvonne with a sigh. "Snowball is Snowball. He's a lot of things. You get to be a lot of things and go a lot of places when you're magical like Snowball." Yvonne rose from her seat.

"Where are you going?" asked Angelica. "Weren't you telling me a story? Because what you told me just now sounded a lot more like a biography."

"Silly bunny. Biographies are stories," replied Yvonne. She paused and looked around the room. "I wonder where Savio went? Ah well. Please excuse me. I have to go collect stars."

"Collect stars? How are you going to do that?" inquired Angelica.

"You don't think I'm actually going to space and collecting stars, do you?" answered Yvonne with a laugh. "Don't be ridiculous. No one would do anything so absurd. I definitely wouldn't."

"But..." objected Angelica.

"No, no, my dear rabbit," said Yvonne. "You simply don't understand what's normal and what's not, do you? Don't worry. You'll learn soon. Especially once you meet the disinherited alligator prince and marry him and are transformed into an alligator yourself. But in the meantime, you have 234 reading assignments."