An Unbearable Guest

"Gotta admit, I am pretty lousy at runnin' dis business," Snowball said glumly as he aimlessly hopped around the house which he had taken over weeks ago. He pored over the contents of the refrigerator, most of which were old and should have been thrown out. But Snowball had never been neat or organized, and anyway, bad food hardly affected him. If it did kill him, he'd just come back, after all.

"Dat's a depressing thought," said Snowball, rubbing his chin contemplatively. "If I die, I come back. Then I die again. Then I live again. An endless cycle... around and around and around. And for what? What is da point of my annoying respawning power? Is it for da same reason dat you respawn in video games? Yeah, so dat you can try again! But what is da point of trying at all? What am I trying? What am I doing in life!?" 

His soliloquy was interrupted by the sound of a door creaking. Now what could have caused that? He was the only living creature in the house (don't ask if there may have been other sorts of creatures). He crept around the corner of the kitchen, and there, upon the sofa, TV remote in... hand... sat a brown, furry figure...

The figure of a teddy bear.

"Well, if it ain't Theodore T. Teddington!" exclaimed Snowball, staring the bear down.

Teddy would have given him a similar dirty look, but he couldn't, because he was, after all, a teddy bear. This unfortunate inability of Teddy's to change his expression gave anyone who met him the impression that he was a psychopath. And maybe he was. But isn't that the nature of teddy bears?

Teddy also could not speak. Snowball seemed to have forgotten this fact, and so he sat there for a very long, awkward period of time, waiting for his nemesis to speak first. At last Teddy, using his special sign language, signalled for Snowball to hand him a notepad and pencil. Teddy wasn't very good at writing, either, but Snowball managed to decipher his hand... his paw-writing? 

Anyway, the note read (more or less, as Teddy also couldn't spell very well): "So, we meet at last, my nemesis."

Having to read this note put Snowball at a disadvantage, and Teddy fought dirty. So when Snowball was looking at the piece of paper, Teddy flung himself at the rabbit with such violence that it was if another entity had picked him up and hurled him. With arms full of stuffing, flailing wildly, Teddy sent down a powerful barrage of fluffy punches on Snowball's head. Snowball ducked, lunged, and ran for cover behind the sofa.

"No, no! Not like dis!" cried Snowball. He produced a little white flag from nowhere, and raised it up past the back of the sofa. "I surrender! Let's just be friends! Or somethin'!"

Snowball received no answer. He waited. Still no answer. He began to wonder what sort of malicious plot the hairy bear was thinking up. Was he preparing a pot to cook Snowball in? Was he filling a moat with alligators? Was he sharpening his chainsaw? Was he--oh wait. He couldn't talk.

Snowball peered over the edge of the sofa, still holding his little flag of surrender. Teddy was just sitting there, almost as if he were completely lifeless. Snowball crawled up to him, and looked down into those round bear eyes. They were kind of cute. Maybe he could get along with Teddy after all...

Teddy sprung up very suddenly, flinging Snowball into the sofa as he did so. Snowball prepared himself for the next attack, but instead Teddy attacked the refrigerator, the sofa, and the TV. Or, in other words, he made himself a sandwich, plopped down on the fluffy cushions, and changed the channel to BEAR News. 

Snowball attempted to call the police. "Help!" he said over the phone. "A teddy bear just came in and took over my house!" 

"A what...?" 

"A teddy bear!"

"Look, buddy, I don't got time for this..."

"PLEASE HELP ME! DIS BEAR JUST TOOK OVER MY WHOLE LIFE!"

The other end hung up. Snowball would have to learn to survive with the teddy bear who had taken over. Sort of like how he had already taken over the house...

​Hypocrite.