Care About History

The cake-eating invaders had finally passed on to some other place, all except for one rabbit: a rabbit wearing a blue hoodie and a name tag which said "Spike". He was still wandering the house as if it were his own.

"Who are you anyway?" asked Angelica.

"And did you capture Yvonne and send her away like a big meanie?" asked Savio. It was an impressive feat that after two or so weeks of Yvonne's absence, Savio still remembered that she existed at all.

"No, no," said Spike. "It's much more complicated than that." He produced a banana out of nowhere and munched on it. He continued speaking with a mouthful of banana. "I'm Yvonne's cousin. Well, not really. Actually... I'm her imaginary friend but real. You get it?"

Angelica and Savio looked at him in such a way that suggested that they had never got anything in either of their lives.

"Well, anyway," continued Spike, "I'm a hero/history buff. And... what did you say? Big meanie? That too. I have weird hair. Black spiky hair, hence the name. My parents weren't very creative. Although they did want to call me Zach. And they tried to sometimes. But then Spike just kinda stuck. Ya know? Yes, this is a history lesson."

"Can't you tell us something useful?" Angelica said in her usual rude style.

"History is useful!" exclaimed Spike/Zach. He bounded towards Angelica and, grabbing her, shook her around. "Do you not care about HISTORY? CARE ABOUT HISTORY!"

"Okay!" squeaked Angelica pathetically.

"I once had an enemy called Brain or something," Spike said suddenly, contemplatively. "But," he added, "that's a story for another time. For today, I'll tell you a story, based off of many lessons from the grand old tale of history." 

He hoisted Angelica up and threw her down on the cake-stained sofa. Savio stayed where he was, which was only a foot away from Spike, staring at him intently. Blankly. Admiringly.

"Observe!" Spike demanded. "Or listen, I mean..."

"There once, many long years ago, was a little rabbit, who, according to the annals of history, did not do her studies, for she did not see the importance of her studies. In particular, and I shall be very clear with you, for everyone should be more like boring history textbooks (and then the world would be a perfect place), this little rabbit did not see the importance of history. The rabbit's name, according to the aforementioned annals of history, was, is, Angelica.

When Angelica was all grown up, having never done her studies, she went out into the world to make her mark on the world. Of course she had never learned anything and so didn't have anything to mark the world with. She decided it would be very good for society if she burned society down. So she did. She started a revolution, and brought down all of civilization, and, yes, she left her mark on the world by destroying it, I suppose.

After she had destroyed civilization, Angelica assumed that she would be able to grab power and rise out of the ashes, and become the ruler of what little of the world was left. But Angelica had never read her history, and so was completely unprepared when some other rabbit, who had been waiting in the shadows all along, seized power and sent Angelica to jail. In fact he ended up executing the hapless Angelica who, all the while, remained ignorant that this sort of thing had happened in history before and that, had she known that, she might have been able to avoid her untimely end.

But not all was lost! A rabbit invented a time machine which a hero, whose name (the annals of history tell us) was... is... Spike, used to travel back in time. He intended to save the world... with history. So he went to Angelica during those days when she should have been doing her studies and taught her all about history, and thus, when she grew up, she didn't burn civilization down, and the world was saved."

"Are you saying you're from the future?" asked Angelica.

Spike picked her up by the ears. "That time machine bit was the story part of my history. You can tell, because when I mentioned the time machine and the time travel, I didn't say the annals of history told us about said time machine."

Angelica's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "How come everyone always tells stories about me?"

"Because you are a fool," said Spike, bluntly. He dropped her back on the sofa.

"Is Yvonne back yet? Is she? Is she? Is she?" barked Savio.

"Um... no," said Spike, grabbing himself another banana from wherever he got them from. "No, she'll be back soon, though. Pretty much the entire empire shows up at her house around her birthday. She's more famous than you might think, young'un."

Angelica scoffed. "Well, when I grow up--"

"You're going to burn the world down," said Savio. 

"I am not!" said Angelica, stomping her foot. She stormed out of the room and spent the next few days plotting how she might burn the world down when she grew up.