Da Life of a Bunny in His Own Words

Hi dere! Dis is Snowball! I know what you're thinkin': "But you ain't the narrator!" Yeah, not usually. But today, I am your narrator! 

Wonderin' what happened to the other narrator, Yvonne? Well, she's tied up in her office. It a nice place! Yvonne gotta lotta work to do today, so I thought it would just be best if I tied her up in her office and took over her job today. She's writin' a book, in fact, and she a very obsessive person. Wonderin' how someone can write a book while tied up? Don't ask. It ain't important.

Just gonna let you know about stuff happenin' around the place in Yvonne's absence! Savio, da little doggy, he as clueless and happy as ever. Chasin' tennis balls. You know, I ain't exactly a dog person, but Savio's a pretty cute little puppy dog! 

Then there's Angelica. She's still pretendin' to do reading assignments without really doing them. If she ever has to write papers she looks stuff up on Google. Dat's called cheatin'. But what can I say? I weren't exactly the best of students! 

Oh, dere's da office down there. That's Teddy down there. He and Yvonne share da office. Actually, he really shares it with an odd, large pink and purple striped feline named James Fletcher. He's technically one of the "enemies" of the bunnies, but politics with them are pretty confusing. 

Anyway, enough about other people. Let's talk about me!

So, hundreds of years ago, I was born to a happy family of bunnies, who already had a few dozen children. I was da youngest. Well, almost... if it hadn't been for my sister Snowbell Ball, I'd be da youngest. She was da pampered child. But me? While, when I was two days old I started talkin', and I haven't shut up since! My first words were "Hi dere!"

It weren't easy to love a kid like me. I ran around talkin' incessantly and having sudden mood swings and sometimes saying very inappropriate things for a bunny my age. And of course I cheated at school! My teacher, Matilda, she ain't never forgiven me for dat. In fact, many years later, she came back to get me for dat time I cheated on a final exam. She was so angry at me she turned into a giant killer robot! Dat was during the zombie apocalypse. A lotta stuff happened in dose days.

Anyway, I never went to college. I mean, I guess I tried. I showed up at several different colleges, but they just didn't want me there. Dat was alright, though. I don't need no degree, don't need no job, don't even need no money. Because, you see, I apparently don't need to eat. Dat was probably my one redeeming quality to my family.

I like my family enough, though you probably wouldn't be able to tell. I always try to send my mommy a birthday card for her birthday, but she don't seem to like them. In fact she kicked me out of the house a couple hundred years ago. Said something about me bein' a bad influence on my siblings, besides the fact that I keep guests away and stink up the house and never shut up and a whole plethora of other dings, too.

Did you know I could use da word plethora? Real proud a' myself!

I don't like my cousins, though. Well, I mean, there are two of them I do like -- da little animal cracker lovin' girls Thunder and Thumper; they real cute and look just like me! -- but I don't like my uncle Freddy or his son Billy Joe! Billy Joe... Billy Joe, I'll get you! You! You!!!!!!!

Oh. Sorry. 

Also don't like my cousins Slimeball, Whateverball (I don't remember his name), or Gumball. They're kinda creepy and gross. Worse than me, if you can believe that. I mean, one of dem's green, one of 'em's blue, and the other is pink. That just ain't natural. Yeah, yeah, I know, a little (not as little as I should be) white blue-eyed bunny hopping around and talking to people and living on a planet controlled by a bunny empire called the Sneech Empire isn't natural either. But it is, you gotta understand!

Though I seem like a hopeless useless little bunny rabbit, I have actually achieved much. I have fought wars, saved princesses, toppled tyrannies, courted empresses! Dat last bit without success. And sometimes I was on da evil side technically. I kinda waffle back and forth, but deep down I've gotta lotta wisdom and goodness in dis dark coney heart a' mine! 

I learned one day, I know not when, what I was truly capable of: resurrection. Or respawning, as I prefer to call it. I like to think of myself as bein' in a video game, like Plato did! Didn't see dat one comin', did ya? Snowball's a philosopher, too! Da first last words I ever said: "I can still see the light! Take me with ya, Ricky!"

Of course. How could I forget Ricky? Some people claim that Ricky don't exist. They say he's just a figment of my imagination. But I know he's real! I've seen him! He was there, at the first end! He took me to the light, and then... it was like I just bounced back and was dere in the world of da livin' again! Ricky, he a bunny, a wonderful bunny, best guy I ever knew. Even da bunny gods think so. Perhaps because of a favor they have granted Ricky they allow me to respawn.

I think I've gone on long enough. You don't wanna hear about me no more, do ya? No, of course not. I know you don't. And I won't keep on tormenting you like I torment everybody else in dis world. Kinda my job, ya know? But I a real humble guy. I'll let my captive audience go, outta da goodness of dis dark heart a' mine.

One more thing, though: I FEAR BANANA CREAM PIES!!!

Brought to you by Snowball.